How to control your anger?

TL;DR

To control your anger, catch it early and put space between the feeling and your reaction. Notice the first physical warning signs and name what you are feeling, then pause and breathe before you respond, and ask yourself why the moment got to you rather than acting on the first impulse.

Insights

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularized the idea of emotional intelligence, says the best moment to manage anger is before it takes over. He suggests paying attention to the early signals that you are heating up, the tight chest or the rising voice, because that is your window to step in. Naming the feeling in that moment helps too: Goleman explains that putting words to it moves some of the charge out of the reactive part of the brain and into the thinking part, which quiets the response instead of feeding it.

Anger researcher Ryan Martin makes the case that anger is useful information. He explains that we tend to get angry when something we value feels threatened or strikes us as unfair, so the feeling is a signal pointing to what matters to us. Seeing it that way lets you pause and ask what the anger is really about, then put that energy toward fixing the problem rather than lashing out at the person in front of you.