How to respect boundaries in a relationship?

TL;DR

To respect boundaries in a relationship, treat the other person's limits as information to understand, not rules to push against. Ask about the boundary and what sits behind it, since most boundaries come from a past experience someone is trying not to repeat. Say your own limits out loud too, because no one can honor a line they were never told about, and accept that each person's boundaries can shift over time.

Insights

Simon Sinek, in a talk on what setting boundaries really means, points out that most boundaries grow out of a past experience, something a person is trying to keep from happening again. That makes respecting a partner's or a coworker's boundary less about following a rule and more about understanding what sits behind it, which usually means asking instead of assuming.

Therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, makes the point that people often cross a line for years without realizing it was there, simply because it was never said out loud. Others can't respect a boundary you keep to yourself, so naming it plainly is part of the work, and it's fine for that boundary to change as your life does.