How to talk to a quiet person
Expert sources (3)
- 1
How to AVOID awkward small talk
Vinh Giang - 2
Unlock Your Voice & Master Public Speaking - Matt Abrahams
Matt Abrahams - 3
How to Communicate With Confidence & Ease (From Harvard Business School’s #1 Professor)
Mel RobbinsBehavioral Change Expert
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Summary
To build rapport with a quiet or new person, focus on being interested rather than interesting by asking open-ended questions. Prep personalized topics in advance—such as recent life events for a colleague—and use simple phrases like "tell me more" to encourage conversation. If someone feels awkward or introverted, sitting side-by-side can help them open up. Finally, always respect their boundaries and do not take it personally if they choose not to converse.
When talking to a quiet person or building rapport with someone new, experts suggest focusing on being interested rather than trying to be interesting 1 2. Instead of putting pressure on yourself to say the "right" thing, aim to make the communication other-focused by asking open-ended questions 1 2.
Research shows that having a few personalized topics prepped in advance can help ease social interactions 3. For a colleague, you might bring up recent life events, such as having a child or finishing a big presentation.
If you are unsure what to say during the conversation, it is observed that using simple phrases like "tell me more" can give the other person an opportunity to speak further and help you find a way to connect. Additionally, if someone seems introverted, awkward, or uncomfortable, sitting side-by-side rather than face-to-face can sometimes give them permission to open up without feeling judged.
Finally, if you make a genuine attempt to show curiosity and the person still does not want to converse, it is important to respect their boundaries and not take it personally.
Start with genuine curiosity and prepared open-ended questions to put the other person at ease, then follow their lead and respect boundaries if they’re not receptive.