How to be a better listener
Expert sources (3)
- 1
Think Faster, Talk Smarter with Matt Abrahams
Matt AbrahamsCommunication lecturer - 2
How to Communicate With Confidence & Ease (From Harvard Business School’s #1 Professor)
Mel RobbinsBehavioral change expert - 3
Do These 9 Habits a Day to Improve Your Communication Skills
Kara RoninCommunication coach
Mentioned experts haven’t endorsed RiseGuide
Summary
Listening is hard work that takes real effort. Experts recommend a three-part approach of pace, space, and grace, then a few habits on top of it. To be a better listener, you should:
- Listen intently and deeply, avoiding premature judgment and focusing on the speaker's core message and needs.
- Replace judgment with curiosity to create a safe space for expression without interruption or criticism.
- Use nonverbal cues, stay mostly quiet, and use back-channel responses to show engagement and give the speaker room.
- Encourage the speaker to continue with prompts like "go on" or "tell me more."
- Reflect and clarify by asking questions and paraphrasing so the speaker feels understood.
Matt Abrahams and Mel Robbins both stress that listening is genuinely hard work and takes real effort, sometimes described as listening until you sweat 1 2. Matt Abrahams suggests a three-part approach of pace, space, and grace [1]: slow things down, give yourself the physical and mental space to be present, and use grace to notice both your own intuition and how the speaker is delivering their message 1.
From there, a few techniques help you listen better:
- Listen intently and deeply: Kara Ronin suggests holding back the urge to judge or rehearse your reply, and focusing instead on the speaker's core message and what they actually need in the moment 3.
- Replace judgment with curiosity: Create a safe space for the other person to express themselves fully, without interruption or having their logic picked apart.
- Use nonverbal cues and stay quiet: Keep eye contact, nod occasionally, hold an attentive expression, and use back-channel cues like "yeah" or "uh-huh" to show you are following. Staying mostly quiet gives them room to keep going.
- Encourage the speaker: Prompt them with phrases like "go on" or "tell me more."
- Reflect and clarify: Ask follow-up questions or paraphrase part of what they said so they feel heard and understood 1.
Slow down, create physical and mental space, and lean into grace by paying attention to both what the speaker says and how they say it, then reflect back what you heard to confirm you understood.